Is that juice or pee? Poop or pudding? You smell it…I refuse.

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This question is one that is frequently asked in my house…every single day in fact. It is also a topic I will write about often, because not only is it an overwhelming part of my life, but let’s face it people… you like to talk about poop! Why?  Because poop is funny…unless it’s smeared from top to bottom (the true offender) on your 13 year old son’s body, or caked under the fingernails he is trying to maneuver into your mouth while you are sleeping. That sh*t ain’t funny.  Yes, I know, I know, I live a charmed life, but considering 50% of Harry’s diet is chocolate pudding, and the only thing Cameron wants to drink is white grape juice, this question is truly valid in Casa de Cunningham. Is that juice sprinkled all over the toilet seat…or pee? Well considering it IS a toilet seat, best to just assume it’s pee (however, Cameron has been known to be oddly fascinated by the sight of his juice dribbling, and is a confirmed juice dribbler unto various other places in the house – including walls, floors, furniture, and yes, even the toilet seat). So by that premise, it could be either, but the real question…that brown streak running down the length of the hallway, is it pudding (Dear God, please, please, please let it be)…or poop? Again, history has allowed me to think it could be either…this question transcends the hallway and bathroom however, to an unlimited amount of places in the home. Sheets, towels, clothing, furniture, carpet & tile floors alike, door ways, door jambs, table tops, counter tops, and my personal favorite – the pool deck (which could occasionally and quite accurately be called the poop deck). Yes, at some point in my day I will inevitably ask myself, or whomever is within earshot, is that food or excrement?? (In keeping with this line of questioning, “What the hell did I just step in?!” is another viable daily concern). And to think, the plumbing contractor looked at me like I was crazy when I inquired about installing floor drains in every room so I could occasionally (daily) pressure wash EVERYTHING!! I’m seriously considering sending my washer, dryer, and little green machine on an all expense paid vacation to somewhere tropical and relaxing, as they could surely use the break!  As for you my friends, invest NOW in Clorox stock ASAP, and thanks to me, you too will be able to afford a tropical get away!! 

7 thoughts on “Is that juice or pee? Poop or pudding? You smell it…I refuse.

  1. Woman, I don’t know how you do it, that you make it sound funny as hell. You must have the best sense of humor in the world. My hat is off to you.

    • Thank you!! Most times I debate whether to laugh or cry, but I seem to take in less toxic air through laughing than hyperventilating – purely selfish, LOL 😉

  2. My daughter is a Poocaso. I know exactly what you mean. She’s been in a residential program for the last 2 years, she comes home soon. While I find it great that she enjoys creative expression, I hope the desire to work in that particular medium is gone.

    • OMG Leanna, I love it – Poocaso, wish I would have thought of that!! Please keep me informed of her “poogress”, lol. We autism parents love to share our tales, it really makes us feel better and not quite so alone!

  3. I will comment on this one as my ‘habit’ of checking for poop originated at the Casa de Cunningham early on. “But it’s poop” is a line I should have copyrighted but really, who else wants that as a catchphrase?! Enough about me, let’s get right down to the real nitty gritty, The diet of yogurt and chocolate pudding makes “Harry poop” look like a giant tootsie roll. Not the tiny little tootsie rolls they throw at parades. Enter a room that Harry has frequented and now the door is shut, there it is. a shiny and segmented chocolaty brown tootsie roll, BUT IT”S POOP !!!

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